Hi all!
Seeing how there's been some "Christmas Cheer" being sent out to the list,
I'll contribute some as well. Here's a "touching" rendition of that ol'
classic; "The 12-days of Christmas"
Enjoy ; ^ )
-Steve Gregory-
V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^
The Real 12 Days Of Christmas
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge
in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection,
Agnes
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, turtle doves.
I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such
generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must insist...
you're just too kind.
Love,
Agnes
December 17th
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are
beautiful,
but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each
finger.
You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking
birds were
beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front
steps.
So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I
ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the
racket. Please stop!
Cordially,
Agnes
December 20th
John:
What's with you and those stupid birds???? Seven swans a-swimming.
What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird crap all over the house and they
never
stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. It's not
funny!
So stop with the birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
December 21st
Ok Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids
a-milking?
It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had
to bring
their own damn cows. There is sh*t all over the lawn and I can't move into my
own house.
Just lay off me. Smart ass.
Ag
December 22nd
Hey Sh*thead:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And
Christ - do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since they got
here yesterday
morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds.
No wonder they screech. What am I going to do?
The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
From Ag
December 23rd
You Rotten Pig:
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those sluts ladies.
They've been having sex with those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows
can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of sh*t. The
commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building
shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you.
One who means it, Ag
December 24th
Listen Buster:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and afterementioned
"ladies?" Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran
through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 234 of
the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister
December 25th
(From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which
you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The
destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our
attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the
attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please
find attached a warrant for your arrest.
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