If you need a laugh, these are some very funny comments on soccer... ahem... football that is
'Kevin Keegan said if he had a blank sheet of paper, five names would be
on it' - ALVIN MARTIN
Mick McCarthy will have to replace Cascarino because he's quickly
running out of legs.' - MARK LAWRENSON
'Hearts are now playing with a five man back four.' - ALAN MCINALLY
'The tackles are coming in thick and thin' - ALAN BRAZIL
'He's like all great players - he's not a great player yet.' - TREVOR
FRANCIS
'If that ball had crossed the line, it would have been a goal.' -
ANTONIO RATTIN
'Historically, the host nations do well in Euro 2000.' - TREVOR BROOKING
'For Burnley to win they are going to have to score.' - CHRIS KAMARA
'If Glenn Hoddle had been any other nationality, he would have had 70 or
80 caps for England.' - JOHN BARNES
'The team must try to get their ship back on the road.' - RAY WILKINS
'That would have been the icing on his start.' - DAVID PLEAT
'He's a two-legged tripod, if you know what I mean' - GRAHAM RICHARDS
'Barnsley have started off the way they mean to begin.' - CHRIS KAMARA
'I don't want to be either partial or impartial' - FRANK MCLINTOCK
'If there's one thing Gus Uhlenbeek's got, it's pace and determination'
- RAY HOUGHTON
'The problems at Wimbledon seem to be that the club has suffered a loss
of complacency' - JOE KINNEAR
'He signals to the bench with his groin' - MARK BRIGHT
'Once Tony Daley opens his legs, you've got a problem.' - HOWARD WILKINSON
'Ray Wilkins' day will come one night' - BOBBY ROBSON
'Most of the players will be wearing rubbers tonight.' - GARY LINEKER
'It's the end of season curtain raiser' - PETER WITHE
'They're still in the game, and they're trying to get back into it.' -
JIMMY HILL
'Signori has all the tricks up his book.' - RAY WILKINS
'It was one of those goals that's invariably a goal.' - DENIS LAW
'I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence.' - BOBBY
ROBSON
'Glenn is putting his head in the frying pan.' - OSSIE ARDILES
'We're not used to weather in June in this country.' - JIMMY HILL
'England now have three fresh men,with three fresh legs.' - JIMMY HILL
'Di Matteo's taken to playing in midfield like a duck out of water.' -
PETER OSGOOD
'There's Bergkamp standing on the halfway line, with his hands on his
hips, flailing his arms about.' - JOHN SCALES
'If England get a point, it will be a point gained as opposed to two
points lost.' - MARK LAWRENSON
'Hagi could open a tin of beans with his left foot' - RAY CLEMENCE
'We are now in the middle of the centre of the first half' - DAVID PLEAT
'The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's
eyes.' - STEVE COPPELL
'To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.' - RUUD GULLIT
'A game is not won until it is lost.' - DAVID PLEAT
'Wimbledon are putting balls into the blender.' - RODNEY MARS
'Unfortunately, we don't get a second chance. We've already played them
twice.' - TREVOR BROOKING
'Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded
a couple of goals.' - PETER WITHE
'That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the
goal.' - BRIAN MARWOOD
'Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes.' - DAVID PLEAT
'If there's a weakness in Chelsea's defence, it's in their defence.' -
Radio 5
'Brazil, the favourites - if they are the favourites, which they are...'
- BRIAN CLOUGH
'If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the
same thing again.' - TERRY VENABLES
'They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around.' -
TERRY VENABLES
------------------------------------------------------------------------
'He has got perfect control over the ball right up to the minute he lets
it go.' - PETER WALKER
'They're all on top of their game - fans and players alike.' - DAVID
FAIRCLOUGH
'They've missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in
shame.' - RON GREENWOOD
'If you're going to score one goal or less, you're not going to get your
victories.' - TREVOR BROOKING
'Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put
together.' - MALCOLM MACDONALD
'The Arsenal defence is skating close to the wind.' - JACK CHARLTON
'He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch
him.' - BOBBY ROBSON
'He has a great understanding of where the goalkeeper is in relationship
to the goal.' - DAVID PLEAT
'With eight minutes left, the game could be won in the next five or ten
minutes' - JIMMY ARMFIELD
'Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't
be any different.' - TREVOR BROOKING
'That's football Mike - Northern Ireland have had several chances and
haven't scored, but England have had no chances and scored twice.' -
TREVOR BROOKING
'Fortunately, Paul Scholes' injury wasn't as bad as we'd hoped for.' -
TREVOR BROOKING'
'I think that their young legs would have found younger hearts inside
them.' - JIMMY ARMFIELD
'He's got a brain under his hair.' - DAVID PLEAT
'If there are any managers out there with a bottomless pit, I'm sure
that they would be interested in these two Russians.' - DAVID PLEAT
'Ronaldo is always very close to being onside or offside' - RAY WILKINS
'Tottenham have impressed me : they haven't thrown in the towel even
though they have been under the gun.' - BOBBY ROBSON
It's end to end stuff, but from side to side' - TREVOR BROOKING
'He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender : he was facing one
at the front and one at the back as well.' - TREVOR STEVEN
'He'll be giving everything, but he hasn't got everything to give.' -
IAN ST JOHN
'Football's football: If that weren't the case it wouldn't be the game
that it is.' - GARTH CROOKS
'And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold.' -
JIMMY HILL
'It's one of the greatest goals ever, but I'm surprised that people are
talking about it being the goal of the season.' - ANDY GRAY
JIMMY HILL: 'Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think
Germany has got of getting through?"TERRY VENABLES: 'I think it's fifty
- fifty'
'The Brazilians aren't as good as they used to be, or as they are now.'
- KENNY DALGLISH
'He hit the post, and after the game people are going to say, well, he
hit the post.' - JIMMY GREAVES
'It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on
target.' - TERRY VENABLES
'He held his head in his hands as it flashed past the post.' - ALAN BRAZIL
'Zola's got two feet.' - DAVID PLEAT
'Venison and Butcher are as brave as two peas in a pod.' - JOHN SILLETT
'It wasn't a bad performance, but you can't tell whether it was good or
bad.' - JIMMY HILL
'The keeper was coming out in instalments.' - JOE ROYLE
'I'd like to see him scoring two or more goals in games which United win
1-0.' - BRIAN WOOLNOUGH
'They've come out with all cylinders flying.' - LUTHER BLISSETT
'Germany are probably, arguably, undisputed champions of Europe.' -
BRYAN HAMILTON
'The teams at the bottom of the premiership are conceding a lot of goals
and that's no coincidence.' - BARRY VENISON
'I think that France, Germany, Spain, Holland and England will join
Brazil in the semi-finals.' - PELE
'Fiorentina start the second half attacking their fans; just the way
they like things.' - RAY WILKINS
'The Newcastle back three, back four, back five have been at sixes and
sevens.' - BARRY VENISON
'He [Ian Wright] is missing the absence of Dennis [Bergkamp].' - BRIAN
MARWOOD
'It was a definite penalty but Wright made a right swan-song of it.' -
JACK CHARLTON
'In the words of the old song, it's a long time from May to December
but, you know, it's an equally long time from December to May." - JIMMY HILL
'I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the
game - one's already been sent off.' - GEORGE BEST
'He [Beckham] has two feet, which a lot of players don't have nowadays.'
- JIMMY HILL
'They [Manchester United] are breathing down the heels of Liverpool
now.' - GARY NEWBON
'We signed to play until the day we died, and we did.' - JIMMY GREAVES
'They'll perhaps finish in the top three. I can't see them finishing any
higher.' - DON HOWE
'Kevin Keegan has now tasted the other side of the fence.' - DAVE MERRINGTON
'Martin Keown is up everybody's backsides.' - TREVOR BROOKING
'Preki quite literally only has the one foot.' - DAVID PLEAT
'I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish.' -
IAN ST JOHN
'Apart from their goals, Norway wouldn't have scored.' - TERRY VENABLES
'The Croatians don't play well without the ball.' - BARRY VENISON
'He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss.' - BOBBY ROBSON
'Manchester United have hit the ground running - albeit with a 3-0
defeat.' - BOB WILSON
'That's no remedy for success.' - CHRIS WADDLE
'The World Cup is every four years, so it's going to be a perennial
problem.' - GARY LINEKER
'The gelling period has just started to knit.' - RAY WILKINS
'Emmanuel Petit has won more medals than any other player in the
Premiership this year, although Patrick Vieira's won the same medals.' -
BRIAN WOOLNOUGH
'To be fair, I don't think Les Ferdinand was fouled there - I think he
went over on his own ability.' - ALAN MULLERY
'Well, I've seen some tackles, Jonathan, but that was the ultimatum!' -
ALAN MULLERY
'...Jurgen Klinsmann, who refutes to earn £25,000 a week.' - ALAN MULLERY
'He's not going to adhere himself to the fans' - ALAN MULLERY
'It doesn't endow me, to be honest...' - ALAN MULLERY
'I can't understand the notoriety of people' - ALAN MULLERY
'It's sometimes easier to defend a one goal lead than a two goal lead.'
- MARK LAWRENSON
'Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on
who's facing him.' - DAVID PLEAT
'Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball.' - IAN ST JOHN
'He just got his body between himself and the goal.' - RAY CLEMENCE
'Even if you tap it in from one yard it counts in the record books as a
goal, unlike the chances you miss.' - JIMMY HILL
'Korsten is making a meal of it...er...that's clearly a penalty, yes.' -
TREVOR FRANCIS
'For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls' -
DAVID PLEAT
'He's a great little player...who scored it again?' - JACK CHARLTON
'We were a little bit outnumbered there, it was two against two.' -
FRANK MCLINTOCK
'If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score
a goal.' - JIMMY HILL
'They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that way they
will go places.' - JOHN GIDMAN
'You're always going to be struggling if you haven't got a left foot' -
TREVOR BROOKING
'That's a 14-15 pointer there if there ever was one.' - BARRY VENISON
'There won't be a dry house in the place.' - MARK LAWRENSON
'The candle is still very much in the melting pot.' - ALAN MCINALLY
'The Scots have really got their hands cut out tonight' - TREVOR FRANCIS
'When Celtic get an opportunity to go above Rangers they've got to jump
at it with both hands.' - ALAN MULLERY
'Guppy has a dextrous left foot.' - BOBBY ROBSON
'Flo literally turned Taricco inside-out.' - TREVOR FRANCIS
Registered: Jan 2006
posted 05 October 2006 12:17 PM Edit/Delete Message
<http://forums.liverpoolfc.tv/cgi-bin/postings.cgi?action=editpost&forum=e-Season+Ticket+Football+Forum&number=15&topic=120277.cgi&ReplyNum=000015&TopicSubject=Sometimes+Commentators+should+keep+their+mouths+shut>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who remembers Asa Hartford ?
A commentator once said of him,
"Asa is giving a whole hearted peformance"
....only minutes before it was being explanined
by the same commentator that Asa had a "hole in the heart" condition.
Roy Keane, his face punches the air...' - ALAN BRAZIL
'He wasn't really trying to score with that shot.' - DAVID PLEAT
'Those are the sort of doors that get opened if you don't close them' -
TERRY VENABLES
'And you don't score 118 goals in 120 games by missing from there.' -
JON CHAMPION
'...and tonight we have the added ingredient of Kenny Dalglish not being
here' - MARTIN TYLER
'And for those of you watching without television sets, live commentary
is on Radio 2' - DAVID COLEMAN
'Chris Waddle is off the pitch at the moment - exactly the position he
is at his most menacing.' - GERALD SINSTADT
'The Bulgarian team are here with a relatively 'old' squad. They
impressed at USA 94, but, well, they're four years older now, most of
them.' - CBS commentator
'Figo is as important to England as Beckham is.' - MARK LAWRENSON
'If they play together, you've got two of them.' - DION DUBLIN
Not only has he shown him the red card . . . He's sent him off as well.
Chris Kamara
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