Well, they have no immigration problem because nobody wants to go there. Imagine spending every Sunday afternoon drinking warm Schmaltz and watching the grass fairies running back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…….skkknnooooooorr.

From: Douglas Pauls [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Thursday, June 25, 2015 2:03 PM
To: Stadem, Richard D.
Cc: TechNet E-Mail Forum
Subject: Re: [TN] NTC The USA on notice

Now Mr. Stadem, that seems quite cynical.  You overlook the advantages.  You know how we struggle with our immigration problem.  I am sure the Brits have that issue well in hand and can teach us the proper way to do it.

I figure if we lob enough of these grenades Graham will not be able to restrain himself......


Doug Pauls
Principal Materials and Process Engineer
Rockwell Collins

On Thu, Jun 25, 2015 at 1:58 PM, Stadem, Richard D. <[log in to unmask]<mailto:[log in to unmask]>> wrote:
But instead of the attack ads, you will see non-stop coverage of every frickin' minutial detail of the Oh-God-So-Boring daily lives of each and every one of the members of the Royal Family instead, 24 hours a day, 392 days a year. That is much, much worse. I know; I've been there. It's on every TV channel (they only have two) and on the front of every newspaper (there is little else to report).

In England, spontaneity is a four-letter word. ANYTHING out of the ordinary, any little tiny detail, sets them howling.

I heard this the last time I was there: "Well goodness, bosh, that train is more than a minute late! I'll have a word with 'em, indeed I will, umph! This shan't continue!".


-----Original Message-----
From: TechNet [mailto:[log in to unmask]<mailto:[log in to unmask]>] On Behalf Of Douglas Pauls
Sent: Thursday, June 25, 2015 7:49 AM
To: [log in to unmask]<mailto:[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: [TN] NTC The USA on notice

If the UK wishes to assume our 18.625 trillion dollars in debt, be my guest.

And going without elections will mean our next year's TV spots will not be filled with those God-Awful political attack ads.


Doug Pauls
Principal Materials and Process Engineer Rockwell Collins

On Thu, Jun 25, 2015 at 4:04 AM, Brian Ellis <[log in to unmask]<mailto:[log in to unmask]>> wrote:

> The following Royal Proclamation has been issued. To make it relevant
> to this forum, I have added a clause 16.
>
> A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign
> Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
>
> In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
> candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
> hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
> immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English
> Dictionary.)
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
> duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North
> Dakota, which she does not fancy).
>
> Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for
> America without the need for further elections.
>
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> -----------------------
>
> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'
> 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
> without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be
> replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
>
> ------------------------
>
> 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
> such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
> of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
> adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the
> elimination of '-ize.'
>
> -------------------
>
> 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
>
> -----------------
>
> 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
> therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
> should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
>
> ----------------------
>
> 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
> required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>
> ----------------------
>
> 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
> start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
> time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit
> of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
> understand the British sense of humour.
>
> --------------------
>
> 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
>
> -------------------
>
> 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
> fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
> potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
> fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
>
> -------------------
>
> 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
> actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
> referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
> provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
> acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation
> on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the
> British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will
> be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
>
> ---------------------
>
> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
> play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
> dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
> having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
>
> ---------------------
>
> 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
> of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
> will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
> to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
> twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
>
> ---------------------
>
> 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
> outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
> beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
> cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the
> sting out of their deliveries.
>
> --------------------
>
> 13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>
> -----------------
>
> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
> monies due (backdated to 1776).
>
> ---------------
>
> 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
> saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
> cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
>
> ---------------
>
> 16. Those devices and systems using the term "printed wiring" will
> henceforth be known as "printed circuit" with immediate effect. This
> will enable the IPC to resume its historic appellation of 'Institute
> of Printed Circuits'
>
> God Save the Queen!
>
> ______________________________________________________________________
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