Dewey,
Been there, done (almost) that.
Werner
-----Original Message-----
From: Whittaker, Dewey (EHCOE) <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Fri, Jan 21, 2011 11:20 am
Subject: [TN] NTC
Not that we would admit to being that way or knowing anyone like that,
but just in case.
Dewey
"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell
said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes
and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the
kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some
change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone
has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen
discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound
of change hitting the counter in front of me.
"Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet. A mere child!
Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering
what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood
began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and
headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting
with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it
in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A
toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize
in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could
happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into
the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.
What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the
back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially
eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba,
I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to
finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt
it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and
churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be
found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back
into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth
and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming
to?"
All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At
this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a
young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was
holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left
this in my truck by mistake."
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly
apologized.
He offered these kind words, "It's OK. My grandfather does
stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40.
Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told the
officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the
hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I
promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
P.S.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble
reading.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
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