Some old, some new, all too much fun not to share...
 

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir  Cumference.  
He acquired his size from too much pi.


2.  I  thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out 
to be an  optical Aleutian .


3.  She was only a whiskey maker, but he  loved her still.


4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra  class because it was 
a weapon of math disruption.


5. The butcher  backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his 
work.


6.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be  stationery.


7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was  cited for littering.


8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen  in France would result in Linoleum 
Blownapart.


9. Two silk worms  had a race.  They ended up in a tie.


10. Time flies like an  arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.


11. A hole has been found in  the nudist camp wall. The police are looking 
into it.


12. Atheism is  a non-prophet organization.


13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack  in the hallway.  One hat said to 
the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a  head."


14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.   Then it hit me.


15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:  "Keep off the Grass."


16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was  taken to a hospital.  When 
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a  nurse said, "No change yet."


17. A chicken crossing the road is  poultry in motion.


18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from  prison was a small medium at 
large.


19. The man who survived mustard  gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned 
veteran.


20. A backward poet  writes inverse.


21. In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In  feudalism it's your count 
that votes.


22. When cannibals ate a  missionary, they got a taste of religion.


23. Don't join dangerous  cults: Practice safe sects!


24. Two flies were arguing on a toilet  seat.  One got pissed off.




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