This is good thanks
-----Original Message-----
From: TechNet [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of kwood716
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 7:08 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: [TN] OT Friday newsflash
Brian,
Do you place your shoes outside your door?
Ken
-----Original Message-----
From: TechNet [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Brian Ellis
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 3:19 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [SPAM][TN] OT Friday newsflash
As it's Friday and tomorrow is St Nicholas' day, a little levity with a
moral may be in order.
Newsflash from Santa, Inc.
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the
early reindeer retirement program has triggered a good deal of concern
about whether they will be replaced and about other restructuring
decisions here at corporate headquarters. Streamlining was necessary due
to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution
business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have
diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit
further erosion of shareholder equity and return. The reindeer
downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model
Japanese sled and the success of the CEO's new diet.
Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the
Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reductions in reindeer will
also lessen the airborne environmental emissions for which we have
received unfavorable press. I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's
traditional team leader position will not be disturbed. Management
denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that
Rudolph's nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse.
Calling Rudolph, "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his
share of the load," was an unfortunate comment made by one of Santa's
helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to
be under executive stress.
We assure all our customers that service will in no way be affected and
no further changes in the delivery department are presently contemplated.
However, the following economy measures are to be taken in the "Twelve
Days of Christmas" subsidiary, where profitability has not reached
forecasted levels.
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be
the cash crop envisioned. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging
plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours cannot be
condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
The three French hens will remain. Research shows the French are very
popular.
The four calling birds are being replaced by an automated voice mail
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is under way to
determine who the birds were calling, how often and how long they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on a single commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other
precious metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks
appears to be in order.
The six geese a-laying constitute a luxury that we can no longer afford.
It has long been felt that the production rate of 1 egg per goose per
day is an example of the decline of productivity. Three geese will be
let go, and through improved management a production goal of 2 eggs per
goose per day can be achieved. We must outperform the competition.
The seven swans a-swimming performed only a decorative function. While
beautiful, in these times, beauty is not its own reward. They will be
replaced by mechanical swans. Outplacement services will be provided to
retrain the swans in some new strokes.
As you know, the eight maids a-milking concept has been under scrutiny
by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. In
addition, this was regarded as a deadend position with no upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.
The nine ladies dancing has been identified as a cause of
disproportionate numbers of repetitive motion injuries. The function
will be outsourced to an overseas vendor and performance video tape
distributed in lieu of the expensive personal appearances.
Ten Lords a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords prompted the
Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with out of work
Congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat reduced the ability
of the Congressmen to dodge and evade should prove a viable alternative.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of
excessive fat in a successful organization. A substitution of a string
quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce immediate
improvements in the bottom line.
Stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. We will ship all
products on an In- order -today, ship - today basis.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorneys' association seeking
expansion to include the Legal profession (thirteen lawyers a-suing),
management is confident that any rational interpretation of Christmas
will not include lawyers.
Management feels these measures will suffice to ensure productivity and
our bonuses. Should, however, additional measures become necessary, we
may examine the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the
rightsized number.
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