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May 2008

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Subject:
From:
Hernefjord Ingemar <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
TechNet E-Mail Forum <[log in to unmask]>, Hernefjord Ingemar <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 26 May 2008 09:41:42 +0200
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text/plain
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And it all started with  a cup of tea onboard S/S Beaver.....the brits
have themselves to blame, tea is a dangerous drug.
/Inge

 

-----Original Message-----
From: TechNet [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Joe Fjelstad
Sent: den 26 maj 2008 00:21
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [TN] Fwd: Message from the Queen - NTC

To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: 5/25/2008 12:46:42 P.M. Pacific  Daylight Time
Subj: Message from the Queen



** Important,  please read  thoroughly! ** To the citizens of  the
United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty 
Queen Elizabeth   II 

In light  of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for President  of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the  revocation of your independence, effective
immediately. 
Her  Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all  states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which
she does not  fancy). 
Your new  Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America without the  need for further elections. 
Congress  and the Senate will be disbanded.  
A questionnaire may  be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.  
To aid in the  transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced  with immediate effect: 
(You  should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)  

1. Then look up  aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be amazed at just how  wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 
2. The  letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'
'favour,' 
'labour'  and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping  half the letters,  and the suffix '-ize' will be
replaced by the suffix  '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise
your vocabulary to acceptable  levels. (Look up 'vocabulary.')
-------  -----------------
3. Using the same  twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as 'like' and 'you  know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. There is no  such thing as US English. We will let
M*crosoft know on your behalf. The  M*crosoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take into account the reinstated  letter 'u' and the
elimination of  -ize. 
-------------------
4. July 4th will no  longer be celebrated as a holiday.  
-----------------
5. You will learn to  resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact  that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready  to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't  sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're  not ready
to shoot grouse. 
----------------------
6. Therefore, you  will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a  vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if
you wish to carry a vegetable  peeler in public. 
----------------------
7. Al l intersections  will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side  with immediate effect. At the same time,
you will go metric with immediate  effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. 
Both  round abouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of  humour. 
--------------------
8. The Former USA  will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of  roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. 
-------------------
9. You will learn to  make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and  those things you insist on c alling
potato chips are properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but  with vinegar. 
-------------------
10. The cold  tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer 
at all.   Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, 
and  European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can o nly be due to
the beer. They  
are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American 
'beer' brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so  that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion. 
---------------------
11. Hollywood will be  required occasionally to cast English actors as
good 
guys.     Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play

English  characters.  Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue
in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's
ears removed  with a cheese grater. 
---------------------
12. You will cease  playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call  it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby  (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve  stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body Armour  like a bunch of nancies). Don't try
Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will  thrash you, like they
regularly thrash us. 
---------------------
13. Further, you will  stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World  Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of  you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is  understandable. You will learn
cricket, and we will let you face the South  Africans first to take the
sting out of their deliveries. 
--------------------
14. You must tell us  who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.  
-----------------
15. An internal  revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with  you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to  1776). 
---------------
16. Daily Tea Time  begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with  high quality biscuits (cookies) and
cakes; plus strawberries (with  cream)  when in season. 

God Save the  Queen! 

PS:  
Go ahead and share this with your  friends in the   USA (those with a
good 
sense of humour and NOT  humor.)
 
Friday came early this week... ;-) 
 
Cheers,
Joe



**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with

Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.      
(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4&?NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

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