TECHNET Archives

May 2008

TechNet@IPC.ORG

Options: Use Monospaced Font
Show Text Part by Default
Condense Mail Headers

Message: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]
Topic: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]
Author: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]

Print Reply
Sender:
X-To:
Date:
Sun, 25 May 2008 18:48:59 -0400
Reply-To:
TechNet E-Mail Forum <[log in to unmask]>, Bev Christian <[log in to unmask]>
Subject:
MIME-Version:
1.0
content-transfer-encoding:
quoted-printable
Content-Type:
text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"
From:
Bev Christian <[log in to unmask]>
Parts/Attachments:
text/plain (158 lines)
Joe,
I expect that since you guys have elected a fair number of Republican presidents of late,  you may get some hate mail. 

Except for your whopping national debt (and Iraq) we would be happy to accept you as the 11th through to the 60th province.

I could go on about the parts of the Pacific Northwest, North Dakota, Minnesota and Maine that should be part of Canukistan ( so we are called by some in your country :). ) By I will end here. 
Regards,
Bev

----- Original Message -----
From: TechNet <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sun May 25 18:20:38 2008
Subject: [TN] Fwd: Message from the Queen - NTC

To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: 5/25/2008 12:46:42 P.M. Pacific  Daylight Time
Subj: Message from the Queen



** Important,  please read  thoroughly! **  
To the citizens of  the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty 
Queen Elizabeth   II 

In light  of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates 
for President  of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice 
of the  revocation of your independence, effective immediately. 
Her  Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over 
all  states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does 
not  fancy). 
Your new  Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America 
without the  need for further elections. 
Congress  and the Senate will be disbanded.  
A questionnaire may  be circulated next year to determine whether any of you 
noticed.  
To aid in the  transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules 
are introduced  with immediate effect: 
(You  should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)  

1. Then look up  aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be 
amazed at just how  wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 
2. The  letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 
'labour'  and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without 
skipping  half the letters,  and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the 
suffix  '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to 
acceptable  levels. (Look up 'vocabulary.') 
-------  ----------------- 
3. Using the same  twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 
'like' and 'you  know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of 
communication. There is no  such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your 
behalf. The  M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the 
reinstated  letter 'u' and the elimination of  -ize. 
-------------------  
4. July 4th will no  longer be celebrated as a holiday.  
-----------------  
5. You will learn to  resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or 
therapists. The fact  that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that 
you're not quite ready  to be independent. Guns should only be used for 
shooting grouse. If you can't  sort things out without suing someone or speaking to 
a therapist then you're  not ready to shoot grouse. 
----------------------  
6. Therefore, you  will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more 
dangerous than a  vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to 
carry a vegetable  peeler in public. 
----------------------  
7. Al l intersections  will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start 
driving on the left side  with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go 
metric with immediate  effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. 
Both  round abouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense 
of  humour. 
--------------------  
8. The Former USA  will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been 
calling gasoline) of  roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. 
-------------------  
9. You will learn to  make real chips. Those things you call French fries are 
not real chips, and  those things you insist on c alling potato chips are 
properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and 
dressed not with catsup but  with vinegar. 
-------------------  
10. The cold  tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer 
at all.   Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, 
and  European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as  
Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the  
greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can o nly be due to the beer. They  
are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.   American 
'beer' brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so  that all can 
be sold without risk of further confusion. 
---------------------  
11. Hollywood will be  required occasionally to cast English actors as good 
guys.     Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play 
English  characters.  Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four  
Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed  with 
a cheese grater. 
---------------------  
12. You will cease  playing American football. There is only one kind of 
proper football; you call  it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be 
allowed to play rugby  (which has some similarities to American football, but 
does not involve  stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full 
kevlar body Armour  like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South 
Africans and Kiwis will  thrash you, like they regularly thrash us. 
---------------------  
13. Further, you will  stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an 
event called the World  Series for a game which is not played outside of 
America. Since only 2.1% of  you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, 
your error is  understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face 
the South  Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. 
--------------------  
14. You must tell us  who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.  
-----------------  
15. An internal  revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's 
Government will be with  you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due 
(backdated to  1776). 
---------------  
16. Daily Tea Time  begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, 
and never mugs, with  high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus 
strawberries (with  cream)  when in season. 

God Save the  Queen! 

PS:  
Go ahead and share this with your  friends in the   USA (those with a good 
sense of humour and NOT  humor.)
 
Friday came early this week... ;-) 
 
Cheers, 
Joe



**************Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with 
Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.      
(http://food.aol.com/tyler-florence?video=4&?NCID=aolfod00030000000002)

---------------------------------------------------
Technet Mail List provided as a service by IPC using LISTSERV 15.0
To unsubscribe, send a message to [log in to unmask] with following text in
the BODY (NOT the subject field): SIGNOFF Technet
To temporarily halt or (re-start) delivery of Technet send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet NOMAIL or (MAIL)
To receive ONE mailing per day of all the posts: send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet Digest
Search the archives of previous posts at: http://listserv.ipc.org/archives
Please visit IPC web site http://www.ipc.org/contentpage.asp?Pageid=4.3.16 for additional information, or contact Keach Sasamori at [log in to unmask] or 847-615-7100 ext.2815
-----------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------
This transmission (including any attachments) may contain confidential information, privileged material (including material protected by the solicitor-client or other applicable privileges), or constitute non-public information. Any use of this information by anyone other than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you have received this transmission in error, please immediately reply to the sender and delete this information from your system. Use, dissemination, distribution, or reproduction of this transmission by unintended recipients is not authorized and may be unlawful.

---------------------------------------------------
Technet Mail List provided as a service by IPC using LISTSERV 15.0
To unsubscribe, send a message to [log in to unmask] with following text in
the BODY (NOT the subject field): SIGNOFF Technet
To temporarily halt or (re-start) delivery of Technet send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet NOMAIL or (MAIL)
To receive ONE mailing per day of all the posts: send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet Digest
Search the archives of previous posts at: http://listserv.ipc.org/archives
Please visit IPC web site http://www.ipc.org/contentpage.asp?Pageid=4.3.16 for additional information, or contact Keach Sasamori at [log in to unmask] or 847-615-7100 ext.2815
-----------------------------------------------------

ATOM RSS1 RSS2