OK, a little Saturday redneck funny which I saw this morning: I howled 
with laughter but don't scroll down to the punch line until you read the 
rest.

Brian

The Australian Army



Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that 
the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody 
quick smart before the jobs are all gone!
I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get 
outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all yagotta do 
before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No 
bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya 
haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water 
and even a light to see what ya doing!




At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks 
or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon 
and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 
'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the 
back paddock!!




This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep 
getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a 
bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya 
like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize 
cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself 
comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even 
load your own cartridges they comes in little boxes and ya don't have to 
steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you 
reload!




Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real 
careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil 
and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home 
after the muster.




Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the 
platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the 
Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the 
shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, 
but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.




I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before 
word gets around how bloody good it is.






Your loving daughter,




Sheila

Steve Gregory wrote:
> Well, I've waved all the boards I'm gonna' wave today, and I thought I'd
> post something that would end the Friday on a chuckle...
>  
> As some of you may know, I'm from North Carolina, and I've been called a
> redneck because I'm from the south. But if you're gonna call me a
> redneck, I'd like for you to call me the technically correct type. I'm a
> "redneck tarheel" from North Carolina.
>  
> Us rednecks are known for our resourcefulness, we learn to do with what
> we have. I can't claim credit for any of the following, but I deeply
> understand the underlying motivation. 
>  
> You do have to admit to the creativity of it all...
>  
> http://stevezeva.homestead.com/files/Redneck_Inventiveness.ppt
>  
> Steve
> 
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