LMAO! Macgyver, that was a good one.... and "Female engineers become
irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until their clinical
death." I am not so sure this is true, UNLESS you are a male engineer. Smart
Women seem to scare off prospective mates! :-)
Dharma
KAW/USA Ltd.
39 Simon Street, #4
Nashua, NH 03060
603-886-8711 x212
603-881-8763 fax
Confidentiality Notice: This email and any accompanying documents contain
information that is confidential, privileged or exempt from disclosure under
applicable law and is intended for the exclusive use of the addressee. This
information is private and protected by law. If you are not the intended
recipient, or have received this email in error, you are hereby notified
that any disclosure, copying, distribution or use of the contents of this
document in any manner is strictly prohibited.
-----Original Message-----
From: TechNet [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Steve Gregory
Sent: Friday, May 04, 2007 12:17 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [TN] NTC - Engineers...
Mornin' all!
Well, it's another Friday, and I found a little piece on the 'NET about
engineers. I think as you read through this, you will find yourself nodding
your head in agreement at least in a couple of places (at least I
did)...hehehe.
-Steve Gregory-
****************************************
Engineers
________________________________
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word
"engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you
think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him/her this test to discern
the truth.
- Engineer Identification Test -
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You ...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered,
self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the
inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who
writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole
stupid thing on "Marketing."
- Social Skills -
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social
interaction:
* Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
* Important social contacts
* A feeling of connectedness with other humans
* Sex
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for
social interactions:
* Get it over with as soon as possible.
* Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
* Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
- Fascination with Gadgets -
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two
categories:
(1) things that need to be fixed, and
(2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play
with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems available, they
will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this
concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it
would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without
wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary.
To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and
feature-poor toys.
- Fashion and Appearance -
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic
thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages
are freezing or sticking together, and if no private parts are swinging
around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything
else is a waste.
- Dating and Social Life -
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various
indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of
attractiveness. By definition, engineers are incapable of placing appearance
above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized
as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest,
and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would
prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire
to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have
high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal
men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late
forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in
technical professions:
* Bill Gates
* MacGyver
* Etc.
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that
way until their clinical death.
- Honesty -
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human
relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from
customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound
like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to
believe them. An incomplete list of engineer lies is listed below.
"I won't change anything without asking your first."
"I'll return your expensive and hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."
- Frugality -
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean
spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in
optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the
greatest amount of cash?"
- Powers of Concentration -
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to
concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in
the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead
prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking
resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical
engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the
lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
- Risk -
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate if whenever they can. This is
understandable, given that when an engineer makes one lame mistake the media
will treat is like it's a big deal or something. Have you ever noticed that
when a technical goal is reached it's called a "scientific achievement", but
when it doesn't it's called an "engineering failure"?
Examples of Bad Press for Engineers
* Hindenberg
* Space Shuttle Challenger
* SPANet
* Hubble Space Telescope
* Apollo 13
* Titanic
* Ford Pinto
* Corvair
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
Risk: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
Reward: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards
and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by
advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are
far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt the project, then the engineer
will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but
it will cost too much."
- Ego -
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
* How smart they are.
* How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the
problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem
until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the
engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal - a
battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem.
(Often times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the
problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex - and this
includes the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that
somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that
knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an
engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's
not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the
engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these
lines: "I'll ask Jim to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult
technical problems."
At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between
the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a
starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
---------------------------------------------------
Technet Mail List provided as a service by IPC using LISTSERV 15.0 To
unsubscribe, send a message to [log in to unmask] with following text in the
BODY (NOT the subject field): SIGNOFF Technet To temporarily halt or
(re-start) delivery of Technet send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet
NOMAIL or (MAIL) To receive ONE mailing per day of all the posts: send
e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet Digest Search the archives of
previous posts at: http://listserv.ipc.org/archives Please visit IPC web
site http://www.ipc.org/contentpage.asp?Pageid=4.3.16 for additional
information, or contact Keach Sasamori at [log in to unmask] or 847-615-7100
ext.2815
-----------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Technet Mail List provided as a service by IPC using LISTSERV 15.0
To unsubscribe, send a message to [log in to unmask] with following text in
the BODY (NOT the subject field): SIGNOFF Technet
To temporarily halt or (re-start) delivery of Technet send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet NOMAIL or (MAIL)
To receive ONE mailing per day of all the posts: send e-mail to [log in to unmask]: SET Technet Digest
Search the archives of previous posts at: http://listserv.ipc.org/archives
Please visit IPC web site http://www.ipc.org/contentpage.asp?Pageid=4.3.16 for additional information, or contact Keach Sasamori at [log in to unmask] or 847-615-7100 ext.2815
-----------------------------------------------------
|
