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From:
Joe Fjelstad <[log in to unmask]>
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Date:
Fri, 6 Oct 2006 18:10:52 -0400
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 If you need a laugh, these are some very funny comments on soccer... ahem... football that is 
 
 
'Kevin Keegan said if he had a blank sheet of paper, five names would be 
on it' - ALVIN MARTIN

Mick McCarthy will have to replace Cascarino because he's quickly 
running out of legs.' - MARK LAWRENSON

'Hearts are now playing with a five man back four.' - ALAN MCINALLY

'The tackles are coming in thick and thin' - ALAN BRAZIL

'He's like all great players - he's not a great player yet.' - TREVOR 
FRANCIS

'If that ball had crossed the line, it would have been a goal.' - 
ANTONIO RATTIN

'Historically, the host nations do well in Euro 2000.' - TREVOR BROOKING

'For Burnley to win they are going to have to score.' - CHRIS KAMARA

'If Glenn Hoddle had been any other nationality, he would have had 70 or 
80 caps for England.' - JOHN BARNES

'The team must try to get their ship back on the road.' - RAY WILKINS

'That would have been the icing on his start.' - DAVID PLEAT

'He's a two-legged tripod, if you know what I mean' - GRAHAM RICHARDS

'Barnsley have started off the way they mean to begin.' - CHRIS KAMARA

'I don't want to be either partial or impartial' - FRANK MCLINTOCK

'If there's one thing Gus Uhlenbeek's got, it's pace and determination' 
- RAY HOUGHTON

'The problems at Wimbledon seem to be that the club has suffered a loss 
of complacency' - JOE KINNEAR

'He signals to the bench with his groin' - MARK BRIGHT

'Once Tony Daley opens his legs, you've got a problem.' - HOWARD WILKINSON

'Ray Wilkins' day will come one night' - BOBBY ROBSON

'Most of the players will be wearing rubbers tonight.' - GARY LINEKER

'It's the end of season curtain raiser' - PETER WITHE

'They're still in the game, and they're trying to get back into it.' - 
JIMMY HILL

'Signori has all the tricks up his book.' - RAY WILKINS

'It was one of those goals that's invariably a goal.' - DENIS LAW

'I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence.' - BOBBY 
ROBSON

'Glenn is putting his head in the frying pan.' - OSSIE ARDILES

'We're not used to weather in June in this country.' - JIMMY HILL

'England now have three fresh men,with three fresh legs.' - JIMMY HILL

'Di Matteo's taken to playing in midfield like a duck out of water.' - 
PETER OSGOOD

'There's Bergkamp standing on the halfway line, with his hands on his 
hips, flailing his arms about.' - JOHN SCALES

'If England get a point, it will be a point gained as opposed to two 
points lost.' - MARK LAWRENSON

'Hagi could open a tin of beans with his left foot' - RAY CLEMENCE

'We are now in the middle of the centre of the first half' - DAVID PLEAT

'The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's 
eyes.' - STEVE COPPELL

'To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.' - RUUD GULLIT

'A game is not won until it is lost.' - DAVID PLEAT

'Wimbledon are putting balls into the blender.' - RODNEY MARS

'Unfortunately, we don't get a second chance. We've already played them 
twice.' - TREVOR BROOKING

'Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded 
a couple of goals.' - PETER WITHE

'That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the 
goal.' - BRIAN MARWOOD

'Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes.' - DAVID PLEAT

'If there's a weakness in Chelsea's defence, it's in their defence.' - 
Radio 5

'Brazil, the favourites - if they are the favourites, which they are...' 
- BRIAN CLOUGH

'If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the 
same thing again.' - TERRY VENABLES

'They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around.' - 
TERRY VENABLES

------------------------------------------------------------------------
'He has got perfect control over the ball right up to the minute he lets 
it go.' - PETER WALKER

'They're all on top of their game - fans and players alike.' - DAVID 
FAIRCLOUGH

'They've missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in 
shame.' - RON GREENWOOD

'If you're going to score one goal or less, you're not going to get your 
victories.' - TREVOR BROOKING

'Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put 
together.' - MALCOLM MACDONALD

'The Arsenal defence is skating close to the wind.' - JACK CHARLTON

'He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch 
him.' - BOBBY ROBSON

'He has a great understanding of where the goalkeeper is in relationship 
to the goal.' - DAVID PLEAT

'With eight minutes left, the game could be won in the next five or ten 
minutes' - JIMMY ARMFIELD

'Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't 
be any different.' - TREVOR BROOKING

'That's football Mike - Northern Ireland have had several chances and 
haven't scored, but England have had no chances and scored twice.' - 
TREVOR BROOKING

'Fortunately, Paul Scholes' injury wasn't as bad as we'd hoped for.' - 
TREVOR BROOKING'

'I think that their young legs would have found younger hearts inside 
them.' - JIMMY ARMFIELD

'He's got a brain under his hair.' - DAVID PLEAT

'If there are any managers out there with a bottomless pit, I'm sure 
that they would be interested in these two Russians.' - DAVID PLEAT

'Ronaldo is always very close to being onside or offside' - RAY WILKINS

'Tottenham have impressed me : they haven't thrown in the towel even 
though they have been under the gun.' - BOBBY ROBSON

It's end to end stuff, but from side to side' - TREVOR BROOKING

'He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender : he was facing one 
at the front and one at the back as well.' - TREVOR STEVEN

'He'll be giving everything, but he hasn't got everything to give.' - 
IAN ST JOHN

'Football's football: If that weren't the case it wouldn't be the game 
that it is.' - GARTH CROOKS

'And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold.' - 
JIMMY HILL

'It's one of the greatest goals ever, but I'm surprised that people are 
talking about it being the goal of the season.' - ANDY GRAY

JIMMY HILL: 'Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think 
Germany has got of getting through?"TERRY VENABLES: 'I think it's fifty 
- fifty'

'The Brazilians aren't as good as they used to be, or as they are now.' 
- KENNY DALGLISH

'He hit the post, and after the game people are going to say, well, he 
hit the post.' - JIMMY GREAVES

'It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on 
target.' - TERRY VENABLES

'He held his head in his hands as it flashed past the post.' - ALAN BRAZIL

'Zola's got two feet.' - DAVID PLEAT

'Venison and Butcher are as brave as two peas in a pod.' - JOHN SILLETT

'It wasn't a bad performance, but you can't tell whether it was good or 
bad.' - JIMMY HILL

'The keeper was coming out in instalments.' - JOE ROYLE

'I'd like to see him scoring two or more goals in games which United win 
1-0.' - BRIAN WOOLNOUGH

'They've come out with all cylinders flying.' - LUTHER BLISSETT

'Germany are probably, arguably, undisputed champions of Europe.' - 
BRYAN HAMILTON

'The teams at the bottom of the premiership are conceding a lot of goals 
and that's no coincidence.' - BARRY VENISON

'I think that France, Germany, Spain, Holland and England will join 
Brazil in the semi-finals.' - PELE

'Fiorentina start the second half attacking their fans; just the way 
they like things.' - RAY WILKINS

'The Newcastle back three, back four, back five have been at sixes and 
sevens.' - BARRY VENISON

'He [Ian Wright] is missing the absence of Dennis [Bergkamp].' - BRIAN 
MARWOOD

'It was a definite penalty but Wright made a right swan-song of it.' - 
JACK CHARLTON

'In the words of the old song, it's a long time from May to December 
but, you know, it's an equally long time from December to May." - JIMMY HILL

'I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the 
game - one's already been sent off.' - GEORGE BEST

'He [Beckham] has two feet, which a lot of players don't have nowadays.' 
- JIMMY HILL

'They [Manchester United] are breathing down the heels of Liverpool 
now.' - GARY NEWBON

'We signed to play until the day we died, and we did.' - JIMMY GREAVES

'They'll perhaps finish in the top three. I can't see them finishing any 
higher.' - DON HOWE

'Kevin Keegan has now tasted the other side of the fence.' - DAVE MERRINGTON

'Martin Keown is up everybody's backsides.' - TREVOR BROOKING

'Preki quite literally only has the one foot.' - DAVID PLEAT

'I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish.' - 
IAN ST JOHN

'Apart from their goals, Norway wouldn't have scored.' - TERRY VENABLES

'The Croatians don't play well without the ball.' - BARRY VENISON

'He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss.' - BOBBY ROBSON

'Manchester United have hit the ground running - albeit with a 3-0 
defeat.' - BOB WILSON

'That's no remedy for success.' - CHRIS WADDLE

'The World Cup is every four years, so it's going to be a perennial 
problem.' - GARY LINEKER

'The gelling period has just started to knit.' - RAY WILKINS

'Emmanuel Petit has won more medals than any other player in the 
Premiership this year, although Patrick Vieira's won the same medals.' - 
BRIAN WOOLNOUGH

'To be fair, I don't think Les Ferdinand was fouled there - I think he 
went over on his own ability.' - ALAN MULLERY

'Well, I've seen some tackles, Jonathan, but that was the ultimatum!' - 
ALAN MULLERY

'...Jurgen Klinsmann, who refutes to earn £25,000 a week.' - ALAN MULLERY

'He's not going to adhere himself to the fans' - ALAN MULLERY

'It doesn't endow me, to be honest...' - ALAN MULLERY

'I can't understand the notoriety of people' - ALAN MULLERY

'It's sometimes easier to defend a one goal lead than a two goal lead.' 
- MARK LAWRENSON

'Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on 
who's facing him.' - DAVID PLEAT

'Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball.' - IAN ST JOHN

'He just got his body between himself and the goal.' - RAY CLEMENCE

'Even if you tap it in from one yard it counts in the record books as a 
goal, unlike the chances you miss.' - JIMMY HILL

'Korsten is making a meal of it...er...that's clearly a penalty, yes.' - 
TREVOR FRANCIS

'For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls' - 
DAVID PLEAT

'He's a great little player...who scored it again?' - JACK CHARLTON

'We were a little bit outnumbered there, it was two against two.' - 
FRANK MCLINTOCK

'If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score 
a goal.' - JIMMY HILL

'They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that way they 
will go places.' - JOHN GIDMAN

'You're always going to be struggling if you haven't got a left foot' - 
TREVOR BROOKING

'That's a 14-15 pointer there if there ever was one.' - BARRY VENISON

'There won't be a dry house in the place.' - MARK LAWRENSON

'The candle is still very much in the melting pot.' - ALAN MCINALLY

'The Scots have really got their hands cut out tonight' - TREVOR FRANCIS

'When Celtic get an opportunity to go above Rangers they've got to jump 
at it with both hands.' - ALAN MULLERY

'Guppy has a dextrous left foot.' - BOBBY ROBSON

'Flo literally turned Taricco inside-out.' - TREVOR FRANCIS


Registered: Jan 2006

    posted 05 October 2006 12:17 PM         Edit/Delete Message 
<http://forums.liverpoolfc.tv/cgi-bin/postings.cgi?action=editpost&forum=e-Season+Ticket+Football+Forum&number=15&topic=120277.cgi&ReplyNum=000015&TopicSubject=Sometimes+Commentators+should+keep+their+mouths+shut> 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who remembers Asa Hartford ?
A commentator once said of him,
"Asa is giving a whole hearted peformance"

....only minutes before it was being explanined
by the same commentator that Asa had a "hole in the heart" condition.

Roy Keane, his face punches the air...' - ALAN BRAZIL

'He wasn't really trying to score with that shot.' - DAVID PLEAT

'Those are the sort of doors that get opened if you don't close them' - 
TERRY VENABLES

'And you don't score 118 goals in 120 games by missing from there.' - 
JON CHAMPION

'...and tonight we have the added ingredient of Kenny Dalglish not being 
here' - MARTIN TYLER

'And for those of you watching without television sets, live commentary 
is on Radio 2' - DAVID COLEMAN

'Chris Waddle is off the pitch at the moment - exactly the position he 
is at his most menacing.' - GERALD SINSTADT

'The Bulgarian team are here with a relatively 'old' squad. They 
impressed at USA 94, but, well, they're four years older now, most of 
them.' - CBS commentator

'Figo is as important to England as Beckham is.' - MARK LAWRENSON

'If they play together, you've got two of them.' - DION DUBLIN

Not only has he shown him the red card . . . He's sent him off as well. 
Chris Kamara

 
 
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